“Stop Messing With My Life!” Famous Last Words of a Psychic Reading Junkie.

“You are a Crap Reader!” “I wonder if she’s reading that right…” How often I hear these phrases when I am not going along with other people’s agendas, doing what they expect or telling them what they want to hear. Working as a Spiritualist Medium there is of course an expectation that I am a spiritual person and that my focus comes from that perspective. I would like to think that most of the time that I am spiritual and serve Spirit well or at least that I try to do that to the best of my ability. Unfortunately the spirit communications that I usually see as gifts can weigh heavily on the heart at times.

Of late, I have been feeling like some people expect that I am just there to suit their needs and for their benefit even when it might not be balanced or healthy for me and that if I were a truly spiritual person I would just accept that role without question. I am sorry to disappoint them but that is just not realistic.

Now with clients it is natural that they will make certain demands of the reader and that when they are in crisis may be even more demanding than normal. I can live with this and it is just one of the costs of being in this work. But where does the reader go when THEY are in crisis? The easy answer to that is they should rely on their angels or spirit guides. While I am able to do that most of the time, recently I have been dealing with a tremendous amount of stress because of the agendas of others and their demands on my time, energy and talents.

I accept that I have allowed the situations to develop and know that I need to change things but how do I do that when certain patterns are entrenched? How do I accommodate my need for changes and yet continue being a good friend to those I care about a good instrument for Spirit to teach through and maintain my integrity as a reader? How do I make the changes I feel I must make in my teaching and spiritual work without offending others who have become comfortable with the status quo and feel that this is exactly the way things should remain? How do I deal with the expectations of others when they themselves have no clue what it is like to be where I am at?

Sadly the burn out rate in the helping professions is very high as caregivers and health and social work practitioners of all kinds get caught up in always being “on” or "in service" to others. It is no different in the psychic industry. Those who truly care about people struggle very hard to balance the needs with others with their own needs. I have found that I allowed things to happen that I now wish I had not.

For example: while having the title of medium or psychic can be a great conversation piece at parties and social gatherings it can also be a drag…. I mean just because I can do readings does not mean I want to do readings all the time… Like the doctor who goes to social functions and is asked for free medical advice being asked “can you read for me?”, “what do you see around me?”, “what do you get from Spirit on this or that?” gets a little old after a while.

While I can and do deflect this natural curiosity with humour there are just some people who do not realize when they are over stepping the bounds and do not seem to take hints very well and I suppose this is where the reader needs to be blunt and matter of fact about feeling hounded and then disrespected when what is read is not what the person asking wants to hear.

Unfortunately being brutally honest with needy and sometimes disrespectful people who take advantage is not so easy to do because situations are usually complex and are complicated by these people needlessly involving others because they are so intent on deluding themselves. Usually these folks who stress the reader out are very good friends with good hearts who the reader is very close to who are for lack of a better word “reading junkies”. With clients when this happens the reader can refuse to read and eliminate the problem but what can you do when it is a good friend who is pushing the boundaries of comfort and not aware (one would hope) that they are doing it?

To deal with this I am the fan of the direct approach but people do not tend to take it well when the reader refuses to read for them especially if they are stressed or obsessed about one issue or another in their lives. People also seem to think that their problems or situations should be an exception and for that reason you should read for them because it is “spiritual to give” and you should read because you are their "friend". This might be true but at what point do you tell a junkie that they are a junkie? And how do you handle it when that junkie also happens to be a valued friend? Where do you find the balance and the courage? And what if they are telling half truths to others around you because they want what they want no matter what?

Most of the time I feel the blunt approach is best but there is always the one friend who you know is hoping for a reading and hinting around it and so the reader is in the nasty position were it might be tempting just to give in and so it goes. This same friend may also be someone (who because you care about them) you really don't want to expose for their "he said, she said" talking behind the backs of others behaviour because you do not want to hurt that friend or others involved. But in my opinion half truths and behind the scenes "he said, she said" stuff has to be stopped especially when the half truths are impacting the reputation and health of the reader being put in the middle of all of it.

Reading for friends who are also junkies is not so difficult if these junkies like what you have to say. BUT what about when you are forced to tell them what you see and it is not what they WANT to hear? For example, the good friend is in a bad relationship and wants to know if it is going to work out, should the reader tell the friend if I see problems or not? What about the friend who is infatuated with someone and it is not being reciprocated at the same level as their intentions? What should the reader say? Should one risk a friendship to state what they see as truth? In a perfect world, I would say yes that you as the reader owe it to your friend to be honest and when Spirit gives a message you should give it as gracefully as you can. But we are not in a perfect world, as the reader you take the risk of offending the friend and hurting feelings. So now what? Tell them what they NEED to hear or what the WANT to hear. My integrity forces me to fall into the first option. It is about what they NEED to hear.

Most of the time I can handle their disappointment and the friendship is not damaged in anyway. But when the friend then begins to question your motive and integrity and clarity because you are being truthful and blunt and they just don’t want to hear it then there is a problem. I mean how can a reader be valued as accurate in reading the other areas of the friend’s life and then be treated as unreliable just because what is being said is not what that person wants to hear? My thought is a reader is either accurate or not. The reading junkie cannot have it both ways.

I am not sure how many other readers have gone through this but I know that I am probably not alone. If I knew then what I know now I would do things much differently but even when more experienced readers tried to explain how and why we need to set boundaries I only got part of it.

I fully understood why a good reader never reads for their partner and I am blessed to be in a solid relationship where I am NEVER asked to read for my boyfriend. But when it came to friends I was soft and gave in far too often. Funny how I was seen as accurate until it was something these "friends" did not want to hear and suddenly my reading ability and intentions were then in question. I can handle that and perhaps this is the catalyst to make some healthy changes. Since some friends were put out by what I had to say maybe they will ask for readings less often from other readers in the future? Perhaps this is the start of them standing on their own and trusting their connection to Spirit and the Universe rather than constantly seeking readings? And what is the reader's responsibility in enabling a psychic reading addict to feed the habit? I know in one case I was weak and let it go on WAY WAY too long and now I am being made out to be the the one who is bad or who has a problem when all I did was choose to be honest with all involved and extradite myself from a VERY messy situation .

Being told by the reading junkie to “stop messing with my life" was interesting because until this point this person was so wrapped up in readings they had stopped thinking for themselves. Where is their own personal responsibility in living their lives and so who was it that messing up their life? Although it was not easy to be brutally honest, when there got to be too much “he said, she said” nonsense and a whole circle of friends became involved, it had to be dealt with and I still think laying out all the facts for folks who only had part of the story is the only way to go… For the junkie who goes from reader to reader time will tell which perception is right and all I can say is I stand by what I said. I continue to say to anyone who puts others in such a situation of being in the middle: where is the junkie's personal responsibility in all this? Energy follows intention and if the intention is dishonest and wrong nothing good can come of it and that applies to both the reader who is afraid to speak their truth and the junkie who is using readings to avoid experiencing life in a real way.

Follow the link to hear more about the problems of the psychic reading junkie phenomenon and why I work hard NOT to be part of it by working as a Spiritualist Medium... Because of my training as a medium I also chose to stand up to those who have abdicated their own personal responsibility in their lives even if they are valued friends. Psychic Junkie: A Memoir

How to find a TRULY HEATHY and THRIVING Spiritualist Church/Learning Centre! #2--Critical Media Literacy and Website Analysis--Spiritualism Content

On reflecting on my last blog entry I realized that I forgot to add a few other details about how a truly healthy and thriving Spiritualist Church promotes itself if it wants continue to attract the increasingly spiritually and internet savvy public.

As well as posting who the regular church workers are on their web site it is customary that the church calendar (if posted online) show which workers are working on what dates few months a head of time so that seekers can check out different workers and plan their busy lives accordingly.

Again, I cannot stress how important the detailed biographies of the Spiritualist Educators selling courses are to prospective students. Given that the bios are often how discerning people judge when choosing their teachers, one cannot blame seekers for wanting to know WHO the instructors are and WHAT qualifies them to teach the courses they are expecting students to shell out serious cash for.

If an instructor is truly up to snuff and current they will have no problem indicating this in a detailed bio online. Of particular interest to experienced seekers is how current the instructor’s education in Spiritualism is and what current research and articles they have written for Spiritualist publications. It is also helpful to know what postsecondary diplomas and degrees these folks have outside of their Spiritualism training as this will give you a good idea just how broad these “teachers’” knowledge base is and if they are able to teach to people who may or may not have more education than they do.

While it is true that there is less dogma and creed in Spiritualism it is NOT dogma free as much as some would like to delude themselves it is. As soon as one sets themselves up as a teacher selling courses in Spiritualism they are saying that "THIS is what Spiritualism IS!" And yet they do not see how they are telling others what spirit is or is not? Where does the personal journey of learning or individual understanding of Spirit (that is to come from within) fit in this case?



It is definitely a matter of personal interpretation and if that is the case why do you need to spend cash and time meeting the standards of one particular Spiritualist Minister or another when all you need to do is move on when you have had your fill? But wait isn't this kind of free thinking and fluid movement that is touted as part of the no creed no dogma kind of Spiritualism actually the same kind of attitude that the New Age is often faulted for by Spiritualist Leaders? Hmmm now I am confused... No dogma so move on when you have had enough but we need standards in education??? Who sets those standards if Spiritualism is supposed to be for free thinkers?

So the rub is this Spiritualism is for free thinkers and is apparently without dogma and creed but if you want to participate in the churches you then are saddled with what their ministers’ vision of what Spiritualism is or should be.

The even sadder truth is that some Spiritualist ministers are so disparate for a congregation and church workers that they will put new students up on the platform well before they are truly ready. For may of these "newbies" the experience of working in the churches starts out as gratifying and after a time will come to be a whole lot of work as they are asked to do more and more without consideration for their need for family/life balance. New church worker burnout is all too common and usually happens in a very short time.

More experienced mediums know to pace themselves and they know how not to get in over their heads. They have learned how to say "No sorry cant do that...." and they also look for Spiritualist Churches and Learning Centres where there is a group of people dividing the church duties so they do not become over whelmed. If you are a new church worker do not let the minister suck you into being at the church more than you are comfortable attending. Go to additional events if you are interested but do not let anyone make you feel obligated.

Organizational problems and politics aside, the history and methods of Spiritualism do need to be taught if Spiritualism is going to truly thrive, but how do leaders accomplish this in a way that allows for reasonable continuity between the churches if none of them is willing to truly work together? It is obvious that the principle of The Brotherhood of Man is pontificated about more than it is exercised in some cases!

Add to the infighting in and among the different organizations the fact that there are different styles/kinds of Spiritualist Churches and you have a combination where there is little hope to reasonably standardize the education offered. This being the case then begs the question, how is the public supposed to judge what is good or bad mediumship let alone what is good education and what is rubbish? Further if this lack of consistency and varying standards of education are the norm how can Spiritualists actually claim that mediums are better than psychics? I don't know but the argument is often made regardless.

The only way to find out what is good and what is not in Spiritualism is to check out the various Spiritualist Churches and Learning Centres and make up your own mind. My intent here is not to tell folks what they should do or think but rather to give useful suggestions based on thorough critical media literacy and web site analysis experience that will help the seeker read and interpret more carefully what they are viewing online so that they can use better discernment. If my experiences help others rethink and question more thoroughly those who set themselves up as "experts" and "educators" in Spiritualism so they can avoid the nonsense and the politics and yet enjoy what the religion, philosophy and science of Spiritualism has to offer then I am pleased to help.

Life Choices

Sometimes even when you know that spirit is using you to help teach another, there comes a point when you cannot teach what needs to be learned unless the seeker is willing to examine their thinking and make changes that will enable them to take in the lessons that are required.

It seems to me that there are many instances in life where one is presented with teachers who come with messages and lessons with which we are not yet ready to accept. This being the case, life is like a series of choices—like what is behind door number one, door number two, and door number three. It is not that the lessons will not eventually be learned, but rather that the road we take or the door we pick depends on how we see our life situation at the time.

One of the hardest things for newcomers to Spiritualism to realize is that thoughts are energy. They are concrete things and they affect others around us, so much, that we should be aware of how we think… Many folks are holding on to old, counter-productive thought patterns that result in them repeating the same experiences many times over in their lives. As frustrating as this might be for us, we must understand that themes repeat themselves in life when we have yet to learn the lesson behind the experience that is brought to the fore.

Even as we do understand that this is how the universe works, there are times when we just do not want to deal with certain aspects of life experience that builds character. Regardless we are usually required to deal with the life lesson sooner or later and so how we do so is up to us. Life is like a huge road map and the route we take is not predestined but rather is a changeable course as we go that depends on our life choices.

Remembering My First Spirit Contact/ Communication

A dark cold night in mid October 1980 would change my life forever… It was Thanksgiving. Family were seated around the table eating the turkey dinner that mom had slaved over all day… Right in the middle of the meal, we got the call that I was dreading… It was the hospital calling to tell us that we needed to come see grandpa as soon as possible as they did not think he would last the night…

I remember just staring at my food… I was numb, in shock and emotions were surging that I could not express… Then I remember demanding to be allowed to go to the hospital to see grandpa… Mom was against it, dad said nothing, but I insisted… As I recall it was the longest cab ride in my life… Dad had been drinking wine with supper. He could not drive so we went in a cab to the hospital…

I remember being so quiet in the cab and still quiet as we rode the elevator to grandpa’s floor and walked into room. When we entered grandpa was quiet and had a glow about him, as I have never seen with anyone before or since that time. When he realized we were there, he began to talk about seeing all the relatives “in the big house”. Dad and I did not know what to make of it because grandpa was talking about people who had passed away 30 or 40 years earlier!

As I watched this strong man who was now so fragile laying on the bed, I began to see white smoke like substance surround his body starting at his head and moving down his body until it was a 3 inch layer just above him but still attached at the head. I had no idea what I was seeing then, but he was peaceful so I knew that it was not a bad thing that was happening. (Now I know this is the spirit body, but at the time I was only 11 and did not know anything about spirit.)

As I continued to watch, his glow intensified until I could no longer look directly at him on the bed… I just stood there dumbfounded and reached out to touch him… When I did that, I could feel the mist around him. It was warm and tingled at my touch…. Strange but even then, I was not afraid. The feeling was comforting and familiar… It felt like grandpa’s touch-- it kept me calm… the whole time we were in the room. As I watched, the spirit body float in and out of grandpa’s body I noticed that the only place where it did not fully leave the physical body was the head. This fluctuation lasted the whole time we were in the room.

I remember dad being very quiet and I could see tears building. It was the first time I recall seeing my father cry. I think it was this that was more upsetting than seeing grandpa in the state he was in. I did wonder for years after though if grandpa felt any pain once out of the body. He was dying of cancer of the bladder and was on morphine to numb the physical pain of the disease than had ravaged his now frail body.

When it was time to leave, I recall that I did not want to go. I just knew that this was the last time I would have with my grandfather. It took everything I had to walk out of that room and make my way to the elevator. As I stood in the door way, I looked back and saw that grandpa had fallen into a peaceful sleep and that he was smiling.

That night, around 3 am in the morning I woke from a sound sleep and saw grandpa at the foot of my bed… He now appeared to be strong and smiling, but he had come to say goodbye. It was time for him to go. And, he wanted me to know that he was ready to go to spirit. As much as I did not want him to leave, the message also gave me an incredible sense of calm that I carried with me for many months after his death.

Later that morning, I remember being outside walking and looking at the orange, yellow, and read leaves of the autumn trees…I was numb and I could not imagine my life with grandpa gone. He was my friend, my confidant, and my role model. Little did I know that his passing would be only the beginning of my spiritual adventure!

Thank you grandpa for helping me open the door to spirit communication that is so much a part of my life as a Spiritualist medium and healer!

Love Potion #9 another Popular Scam!

Source: https://insmkt.securesites.com/vday.htm

It never ceases to amaze me the extent some psychics will go to when trying to make money. Now I do know that there are material needs to be met and like everyone else I have money constraints as well but that is no reason to gouge the seeker and fill their minds full of nonsense just to keep them on the line or to keep them coming back for the next reading. Yes we enjoy and appreciate regular customers but the focus should be to help folks to sort out their lives and to find their own strengths. The focus is not to create reading junkies.

What do I mean by reading junkies? Well these are those clients who are constantly emailing, calling or meeting with you for readings and for whom it does not matter what you say because they are not hearing you anyway. These are the folks who are so psychically addicted that they cannot make their minds up without consulting their advisor or advisors as the case may be. Now not all the blame can be placed on these confused and needy folks. In fact if truth be known the blame should be placed squarely in the shoulders of the psychic industry that is so motivated by money.

The worst part of the industry is the psychics who promise magic cures and potions that will fix people’s lives. This is common in the area of romance and relationships. While it is tempting to think it would be great to have a wonder drug that makes life work as we want the reality of something like that happening is doubtful at best. I have one friend when he and his partner broke up who was directed to a psychic who told him that he could give my friend a magic potion that would make his wife come back. While my friend was momentarily tempted he had the good sense to question the ethics of using such a method to fix his broken relationship. He asked himself “Why would I want to force someone to come back via a potion if they chose to leave in the first place?” He figured that he would always wonder if he did use such means if she came back and really did love him or only came back because of the potion that was used.

Now it worked out right for my friend who was sensible even when he was devastated, but let’s examine at what happens if the seeker is desperate enough to give the potion scam a try. If they do fall for it this then tells the unscrupulous psychic that they have a ready and willing sucker whom he or she can bleed dry financially. I mean not only can you convince these folks they need the potion but you can convince them that they need to keep buying it to keep the so called magic spell on the desired loved one working as it should. Now chances are that even with the potion the partner who has left the relationship will not return regardless of the potion used and the seeker soon finds out that they were ripped off.

It is important that folks understand that the idea of a psychic reading is simply a snapshot of the seeker’s situation and concerns at the time of the appointment. We all have Spirit influences around us and different guides, guardians and teachers come forward at different times to assist with various aspects in our lives. That in mind then it is important to know that a reading is not cast in stone and that the future is changeable. The spirit guidance that comes forth are meant as guide posts and not as cast in stone details that are guaranteed to be laid out for us the way we want. While we do get glimpses into the situations of our clients no psychic can or should guarantee 100% accuracy. Anyone who dares to do so is either delusional or scamming the public.

What a reputable psychic will offer you are some explanation of his or her experiences and possibly some references who can attest to their work as a psychic. Now bear in mind no one is ever going to choose dissatisfied clients to give references for them, but from the references you will get a sense of how that psychic conducts themselves ethically and professionally when they are doing readings. The psychic should be willing to address informational questions about his or her work, the workings of a reading and methods of payment and meeting for an appointment. It is not fair to expect the psychic to give you a freebee reading to prove his or her talent. While you will find that most will attune and demonstrate to show they are connected to you as a potential client, usually the psychic knows when a caller is looking for freebees and has no intent to book them and will not continue. I mean it is only fair that the psychic does not want to spend hours of time talking to folks who have no intention of booking a reading.

In my case I do try to treat people with respect and try to spend some time helping folks decide what it is they really need. Sometimes they call wanting a reading but this may not truly be what they are seeking at all. While I am in the business to do readings I also try to help folks find what they are looking for even if that means I do not book them for a reading. Chances are by taking the time to talk to them I will eventually end up doing a reading for them at some future point in time.

Now as much as I try to take time with folks there are times when I am tired and can be human and just want to make a quick booking and not have to get into a detailed discussion with folks. There are times when dealing with folks on the phone, online, in email and in person can be taxing. For example today I took 3 calls for folks just information seeking within a 45 minute time period and by the last call I just wanted to say did you read the details on the web site?? Did you even bother to check out what was there or did you just see my ad and dial the number?? Now I know I should be grateful that folks are calling and I am actually, but sometimes it would be encouraging if I felt like folks did read the information on the website before calling as most of the basic questions are answered.

That said the way that a seeker can be a good client and also protect themselves from the scammers is to do their homework. Find out all you can about the reader you are considering hiring and that includes reading any information he or she provides on his or her website. If after that the seeker still has questions then it is only fair that he or she contact the reader and find out the answers.

Also ask the reader some simple questions. How do you work? What kinds of readings do you do? What can I expect to get out of the reading? What kind of reading would be best for me? Given the answers that come from the discussion you will then know if you really want/ need a reading and if this reader is the right one for you. I say finding a good psychic is like finding a good hair dresser. They are rare but when you find one you know it!