“Stop Messing With My Life!” Famous Last Words of a Psychic Reading Junkie.

“You are a Crap Reader!” “I wonder if she’s reading that right…” How often I hear these phrases when I am not going along with other people’s agendas, doing what they expect or telling them what they want to hear. Working as a Spiritualist Medium there is of course an expectation that I am a spiritual person and that my focus comes from that perspective. I would like to think that most of the time that I am spiritual and serve Spirit well or at least that I try to do that to the best of my ability. Unfortunately the spirit communications that I usually see as gifts can weigh heavily on the heart at times.

Of late, I have been feeling like some people expect that I am just there to suit their needs and for their benefit even when it might not be balanced or healthy for me and that if I were a truly spiritual person I would just accept that role without question. I am sorry to disappoint them but that is just not realistic.

Now with clients it is natural that they will make certain demands of the reader and that when they are in crisis may be even more demanding than normal. I can live with this and it is just one of the costs of being in this work. But where does the reader go when THEY are in crisis? The easy answer to that is they should rely on their angels or spirit guides. While I am able to do that most of the time, recently I have been dealing with a tremendous amount of stress because of the agendas of others and their demands on my time, energy and talents.

I accept that I have allowed the situations to develop and know that I need to change things but how do I do that when certain patterns are entrenched? How do I accommodate my need for changes and yet continue being a good friend to those I care about a good instrument for Spirit to teach through and maintain my integrity as a reader? How do I make the changes I feel I must make in my teaching and spiritual work without offending others who have become comfortable with the status quo and feel that this is exactly the way things should remain? How do I deal with the expectations of others when they themselves have no clue what it is like to be where I am at?

Sadly the burn out rate in the helping professions is very high as caregivers and health and social work practitioners of all kinds get caught up in always being “on” or "in service" to others. It is no different in the psychic industry. Those who truly care about people struggle very hard to balance the needs with others with their own needs. I have found that I allowed things to happen that I now wish I had not.

For example: while having the title of medium or psychic can be a great conversation piece at parties and social gatherings it can also be a drag…. I mean just because I can do readings does not mean I want to do readings all the time… Like the doctor who goes to social functions and is asked for free medical advice being asked “can you read for me?”, “what do you see around me?”, “what do you get from Spirit on this or that?” gets a little old after a while.

While I can and do deflect this natural curiosity with humour there are just some people who do not realize when they are over stepping the bounds and do not seem to take hints very well and I suppose this is where the reader needs to be blunt and matter of fact about feeling hounded and then disrespected when what is read is not what the person asking wants to hear.

Unfortunately being brutally honest with needy and sometimes disrespectful people who take advantage is not so easy to do because situations are usually complex and are complicated by these people needlessly involving others because they are so intent on deluding themselves. Usually these folks who stress the reader out are very good friends with good hearts who the reader is very close to who are for lack of a better word “reading junkies”. With clients when this happens the reader can refuse to read and eliminate the problem but what can you do when it is a good friend who is pushing the boundaries of comfort and not aware (one would hope) that they are doing it?

To deal with this I am the fan of the direct approach but people do not tend to take it well when the reader refuses to read for them especially if they are stressed or obsessed about one issue or another in their lives. People also seem to think that their problems or situations should be an exception and for that reason you should read for them because it is “spiritual to give” and you should read because you are their "friend". This might be true but at what point do you tell a junkie that they are a junkie? And how do you handle it when that junkie also happens to be a valued friend? Where do you find the balance and the courage? And what if they are telling half truths to others around you because they want what they want no matter what?

Most of the time I feel the blunt approach is best but there is always the one friend who you know is hoping for a reading and hinting around it and so the reader is in the nasty position were it might be tempting just to give in and so it goes. This same friend may also be someone (who because you care about them) you really don't want to expose for their "he said, she said" talking behind the backs of others behaviour because you do not want to hurt that friend or others involved. But in my opinion half truths and behind the scenes "he said, she said" stuff has to be stopped especially when the half truths are impacting the reputation and health of the reader being put in the middle of all of it.

Reading for friends who are also junkies is not so difficult if these junkies like what you have to say. BUT what about when you are forced to tell them what you see and it is not what they WANT to hear? For example, the good friend is in a bad relationship and wants to know if it is going to work out, should the reader tell the friend if I see problems or not? What about the friend who is infatuated with someone and it is not being reciprocated at the same level as their intentions? What should the reader say? Should one risk a friendship to state what they see as truth? In a perfect world, I would say yes that you as the reader owe it to your friend to be honest and when Spirit gives a message you should give it as gracefully as you can. But we are not in a perfect world, as the reader you take the risk of offending the friend and hurting feelings. So now what? Tell them what they NEED to hear or what the WANT to hear. My integrity forces me to fall into the first option. It is about what they NEED to hear.

Most of the time I can handle their disappointment and the friendship is not damaged in anyway. But when the friend then begins to question your motive and integrity and clarity because you are being truthful and blunt and they just don’t want to hear it then there is a problem. I mean how can a reader be valued as accurate in reading the other areas of the friend’s life and then be treated as unreliable just because what is being said is not what that person wants to hear? My thought is a reader is either accurate or not. The reading junkie cannot have it both ways.

I am not sure how many other readers have gone through this but I know that I am probably not alone. If I knew then what I know now I would do things much differently but even when more experienced readers tried to explain how and why we need to set boundaries I only got part of it.

I fully understood why a good reader never reads for their partner and I am blessed to be in a solid relationship where I am NEVER asked to read for my boyfriend. But when it came to friends I was soft and gave in far too often. Funny how I was seen as accurate until it was something these "friends" did not want to hear and suddenly my reading ability and intentions were then in question. I can handle that and perhaps this is the catalyst to make some healthy changes. Since some friends were put out by what I had to say maybe they will ask for readings less often from other readers in the future? Perhaps this is the start of them standing on their own and trusting their connection to Spirit and the Universe rather than constantly seeking readings? And what is the reader's responsibility in enabling a psychic reading addict to feed the habit? I know in one case I was weak and let it go on WAY WAY too long and now I am being made out to be the the one who is bad or who has a problem when all I did was choose to be honest with all involved and extradite myself from a VERY messy situation .

Being told by the reading junkie to “stop messing with my life" was interesting because until this point this person was so wrapped up in readings they had stopped thinking for themselves. Where is their own personal responsibility in living their lives and so who was it that messing up their life? Although it was not easy to be brutally honest, when there got to be too much “he said, she said” nonsense and a whole circle of friends became involved, it had to be dealt with and I still think laying out all the facts for folks who only had part of the story is the only way to go… For the junkie who goes from reader to reader time will tell which perception is right and all I can say is I stand by what I said. I continue to say to anyone who puts others in such a situation of being in the middle: where is the junkie's personal responsibility in all this? Energy follows intention and if the intention is dishonest and wrong nothing good can come of it and that applies to both the reader who is afraid to speak their truth and the junkie who is using readings to avoid experiencing life in a real way.

Follow the link to hear more about the problems of the psychic reading junkie phenomenon and why I work hard NOT to be part of it by working as a Spiritualist Medium... Because of my training as a medium I also chose to stand up to those who have abdicated their own personal responsibility in their lives even if they are valued friends. Psychic Junkie: A Memoir

Being Part of Spiritualism... True Free Thinking

Lately I have been reading a tirade about how people hide behind computers and are not involved in Spiritualism. The person behind the tirade assumes that because people no longer want what she is offering means that they are no longer involved in or interested in Spiritualism.

Funny how when you leave one Spiritualist Church its leaders assume you have left Spiritualism for good. Usually when one leaves a specific church they left because of leader ego issues and nasty politics.

As you search for a spiritual home have a good look at the congregation. Those with little no congregation usually have this problem because they are controlling and have tried to dominate others who used to willingly work for their churches and have now left.

The church I am now connected with has a growing congregation because the management really does work together. They don't have a Reverend and maybe this is a very good thing. Most of the Spiritualist churches that do have a Reverend are saddled with this individual's ego and need to control every aspect of the organization.

I am not saying that all Reverends are bad but way too many of the ones I have met have lost sight of working for Spirit because their warped egos have gotten in the way. This is a weakness of human nature that some folks think they are above. The sad fact is that those who think they are better than others they condemn are usually the worst offenders of the very personality faults they find in others in Spiritualism.

To them I would say just because I finally had to good sense to remove myself from your churches does not mean that I am no longer involved with Spiritualism. Now I am truly a free thinker and have never been more content.

Life Choices

Sometimes even when you know that spirit is using you to help teach another, there comes a point when you cannot teach what needs to be learned unless the seeker is willing to examine their thinking and make changes that will enable them to take in the lessons that are required.

It seems to me that there are many instances in life where one is presented with teachers who come with messages and lessons with which we are not yet ready to accept. This being the case, life is like a series of choices—like what is behind door number one, door number two, and door number three. It is not that the lessons will not eventually be learned, but rather that the road we take or the door we pick depends on how we see our life situation at the time.

One of the hardest things for newcomers to Spiritualism to realize is that thoughts are energy. They are concrete things and they affect others around us, so much, that we should be aware of how we think… Many folks are holding on to old, counter-productive thought patterns that result in them repeating the same experiences many times over in their lives. As frustrating as this might be for us, we must understand that themes repeat themselves in life when we have yet to learn the lesson behind the experience that is brought to the fore.

Even as we do understand that this is how the universe works, there are times when we just do not want to deal with certain aspects of life experience that builds character. Regardless we are usually required to deal with the life lesson sooner or later and so how we do so is up to us. Life is like a huge road map and the route we take is not predestined but rather is a changeable course as we go that depends on our life choices.

Remembering My First Spirit Contact/ Communication

A dark cold night in mid October 1980 would change my life forever… It was Thanksgiving. Family were seated around the table eating the turkey dinner that mom had slaved over all day… Right in the middle of the meal, we got the call that I was dreading… It was the hospital calling to tell us that we needed to come see grandpa as soon as possible as they did not think he would last the night…

I remember just staring at my food… I was numb, in shock and emotions were surging that I could not express… Then I remember demanding to be allowed to go to the hospital to see grandpa… Mom was against it, dad said nothing, but I insisted… As I recall it was the longest cab ride in my life… Dad had been drinking wine with supper. He could not drive so we went in a cab to the hospital…

I remember being so quiet in the cab and still quiet as we rode the elevator to grandpa’s floor and walked into room. When we entered grandpa was quiet and had a glow about him, as I have never seen with anyone before or since that time. When he realized we were there, he began to talk about seeing all the relatives “in the big house”. Dad and I did not know what to make of it because grandpa was talking about people who had passed away 30 or 40 years earlier!

As I watched this strong man who was now so fragile laying on the bed, I began to see white smoke like substance surround his body starting at his head and moving down his body until it was a 3 inch layer just above him but still attached at the head. I had no idea what I was seeing then, but he was peaceful so I knew that it was not a bad thing that was happening. (Now I know this is the spirit body, but at the time I was only 11 and did not know anything about spirit.)

As I continued to watch, his glow intensified until I could no longer look directly at him on the bed… I just stood there dumbfounded and reached out to touch him… When I did that, I could feel the mist around him. It was warm and tingled at my touch…. Strange but even then, I was not afraid. The feeling was comforting and familiar… It felt like grandpa’s touch-- it kept me calm… the whole time we were in the room. As I watched, the spirit body float in and out of grandpa’s body I noticed that the only place where it did not fully leave the physical body was the head. This fluctuation lasted the whole time we were in the room.

I remember dad being very quiet and I could see tears building. It was the first time I recall seeing my father cry. I think it was this that was more upsetting than seeing grandpa in the state he was in. I did wonder for years after though if grandpa felt any pain once out of the body. He was dying of cancer of the bladder and was on morphine to numb the physical pain of the disease than had ravaged his now frail body.

When it was time to leave, I recall that I did not want to go. I just knew that this was the last time I would have with my grandfather. It took everything I had to walk out of that room and make my way to the elevator. As I stood in the door way, I looked back and saw that grandpa had fallen into a peaceful sleep and that he was smiling.

That night, around 3 am in the morning I woke from a sound sleep and saw grandpa at the foot of my bed… He now appeared to be strong and smiling, but he had come to say goodbye. It was time for him to go. And, he wanted me to know that he was ready to go to spirit. As much as I did not want him to leave, the message also gave me an incredible sense of calm that I carried with me for many months after his death.

Later that morning, I remember being outside walking and looking at the orange, yellow, and read leaves of the autumn trees…I was numb and I could not imagine my life with grandpa gone. He was my friend, my confidant, and my role model. Little did I know that his passing would be only the beginning of my spiritual adventure!

Thank you grandpa for helping me open the door to spirit communication that is so much a part of my life as a Spiritualist medium and healer!