“Stop Messing With My Life!” Famous Last Words of a Psychic Reading Junkie.

“You are a Crap Reader!” “I wonder if she’s reading that right…” How often I hear these phrases when I am not going along with other people’s agendas, doing what they expect or telling them what they want to hear. Working as a Spiritualist Medium there is of course an expectation that I am a spiritual person and that my focus comes from that perspective. I would like to think that most of the time that I am spiritual and serve Spirit well or at least that I try to do that to the best of my ability. Unfortunately the spirit communications that I usually see as gifts can weigh heavily on the heart at times.

Of late, I have been feeling like some people expect that I am just there to suit their needs and for their benefit even when it might not be balanced or healthy for me and that if I were a truly spiritual person I would just accept that role without question. I am sorry to disappoint them but that is just not realistic.

Now with clients it is natural that they will make certain demands of the reader and that when they are in crisis may be even more demanding than normal. I can live with this and it is just one of the costs of being in this work. But where does the reader go when THEY are in crisis? The easy answer to that is they should rely on their angels or spirit guides. While I am able to do that most of the time, recently I have been dealing with a tremendous amount of stress because of the agendas of others and their demands on my time, energy and talents.

I accept that I have allowed the situations to develop and know that I need to change things but how do I do that when certain patterns are entrenched? How do I accommodate my need for changes and yet continue being a good friend to those I care about a good instrument for Spirit to teach through and maintain my integrity as a reader? How do I make the changes I feel I must make in my teaching and spiritual work without offending others who have become comfortable with the status quo and feel that this is exactly the way things should remain? How do I deal with the expectations of others when they themselves have no clue what it is like to be where I am at?

Sadly the burn out rate in the helping professions is very high as caregivers and health and social work practitioners of all kinds get caught up in always being “on” or "in service" to others. It is no different in the psychic industry. Those who truly care about people struggle very hard to balance the needs with others with their own needs. I have found that I allowed things to happen that I now wish I had not.

For example: while having the title of medium or psychic can be a great conversation piece at parties and social gatherings it can also be a drag…. I mean just because I can do readings does not mean I want to do readings all the time… Like the doctor who goes to social functions and is asked for free medical advice being asked “can you read for me?”, “what do you see around me?”, “what do you get from Spirit on this or that?” gets a little old after a while.

While I can and do deflect this natural curiosity with humour there are just some people who do not realize when they are over stepping the bounds and do not seem to take hints very well and I suppose this is where the reader needs to be blunt and matter of fact about feeling hounded and then disrespected when what is read is not what the person asking wants to hear.

Unfortunately being brutally honest with needy and sometimes disrespectful people who take advantage is not so easy to do because situations are usually complex and are complicated by these people needlessly involving others because they are so intent on deluding themselves. Usually these folks who stress the reader out are very good friends with good hearts who the reader is very close to who are for lack of a better word “reading junkies”. With clients when this happens the reader can refuse to read and eliminate the problem but what can you do when it is a good friend who is pushing the boundaries of comfort and not aware (one would hope) that they are doing it?

To deal with this I am the fan of the direct approach but people do not tend to take it well when the reader refuses to read for them especially if they are stressed or obsessed about one issue or another in their lives. People also seem to think that their problems or situations should be an exception and for that reason you should read for them because it is “spiritual to give” and you should read because you are their "friend". This might be true but at what point do you tell a junkie that they are a junkie? And how do you handle it when that junkie also happens to be a valued friend? Where do you find the balance and the courage? And what if they are telling half truths to others around you because they want what they want no matter what?

Most of the time I feel the blunt approach is best but there is always the one friend who you know is hoping for a reading and hinting around it and so the reader is in the nasty position were it might be tempting just to give in and so it goes. This same friend may also be someone (who because you care about them) you really don't want to expose for their "he said, she said" talking behind the backs of others behaviour because you do not want to hurt that friend or others involved. But in my opinion half truths and behind the scenes "he said, she said" stuff has to be stopped especially when the half truths are impacting the reputation and health of the reader being put in the middle of all of it.

Reading for friends who are also junkies is not so difficult if these junkies like what you have to say. BUT what about when you are forced to tell them what you see and it is not what they WANT to hear? For example, the good friend is in a bad relationship and wants to know if it is going to work out, should the reader tell the friend if I see problems or not? What about the friend who is infatuated with someone and it is not being reciprocated at the same level as their intentions? What should the reader say? Should one risk a friendship to state what they see as truth? In a perfect world, I would say yes that you as the reader owe it to your friend to be honest and when Spirit gives a message you should give it as gracefully as you can. But we are not in a perfect world, as the reader you take the risk of offending the friend and hurting feelings. So now what? Tell them what they NEED to hear or what the WANT to hear. My integrity forces me to fall into the first option. It is about what they NEED to hear.

Most of the time I can handle their disappointment and the friendship is not damaged in anyway. But when the friend then begins to question your motive and integrity and clarity because you are being truthful and blunt and they just don’t want to hear it then there is a problem. I mean how can a reader be valued as accurate in reading the other areas of the friend’s life and then be treated as unreliable just because what is being said is not what that person wants to hear? My thought is a reader is either accurate or not. The reading junkie cannot have it both ways.

I am not sure how many other readers have gone through this but I know that I am probably not alone. If I knew then what I know now I would do things much differently but even when more experienced readers tried to explain how and why we need to set boundaries I only got part of it.

I fully understood why a good reader never reads for their partner and I am blessed to be in a solid relationship where I am NEVER asked to read for my boyfriend. But when it came to friends I was soft and gave in far too often. Funny how I was seen as accurate until it was something these "friends" did not want to hear and suddenly my reading ability and intentions were then in question. I can handle that and perhaps this is the catalyst to make some healthy changes. Since some friends were put out by what I had to say maybe they will ask for readings less often from other readers in the future? Perhaps this is the start of them standing on their own and trusting their connection to Spirit and the Universe rather than constantly seeking readings? And what is the reader's responsibility in enabling a psychic reading addict to feed the habit? I know in one case I was weak and let it go on WAY WAY too long and now I am being made out to be the the one who is bad or who has a problem when all I did was choose to be honest with all involved and extradite myself from a VERY messy situation .

Being told by the reading junkie to “stop messing with my life" was interesting because until this point this person was so wrapped up in readings they had stopped thinking for themselves. Where is their own personal responsibility in living their lives and so who was it that messing up their life? Although it was not easy to be brutally honest, when there got to be too much “he said, she said” nonsense and a whole circle of friends became involved, it had to be dealt with and I still think laying out all the facts for folks who only had part of the story is the only way to go… For the junkie who goes from reader to reader time will tell which perception is right and all I can say is I stand by what I said. I continue to say to anyone who puts others in such a situation of being in the middle: where is the junkie's personal responsibility in all this? Energy follows intention and if the intention is dishonest and wrong nothing good can come of it and that applies to both the reader who is afraid to speak their truth and the junkie who is using readings to avoid experiencing life in a real way.

Follow the link to hear more about the problems of the psychic reading junkie phenomenon and why I work hard NOT to be part of it by working as a Spiritualist Medium... Because of my training as a medium I also chose to stand up to those who have abdicated their own personal responsibility in their lives even if they are valued friends. Psychic Junkie: A Memoir

Healing Messages Come From the Least Expected Places…. Thank you!

I met a very in tune lady on Monday, I must say we made a real connection and for me it was the thing I needed. Sometimes people can say things without knowing what they are touching upon.

As the past few blogs show I have been dealing with some very negative circumstances in my life and was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, and through the kind and sensible words of this woman I was given what I believe was a message from Spirit that helped me to better understand what it is I am to do and learn as a reader and a teacher and why I was being challenged at this time.

While some people might not like what I have said in past blogs, I say what I think at the time to get others thinking too. More people tend to appreciate it than not so I guess that is a good thing. And in the case of this in tune lady who answered some struggles I was having; she saw something valuable in what I am doing and decided to connect. So it goes to show that you have to put your thoughts out there. Some may not like them and so be it. On the other hand, by being real and true to myself and honest in the work I do I draw amazing people to me and so will always risk offending the naysayers, and the negative jealous sorts for the chance to meet genuine, connected people.

I just wanted to take time to thank Julia and Spirit for touching my life though her words when I really needed it.

Life Catalysts: Never What You Expect Them to Be…

Many times in my life I have been told that through my spiritual work that I am meant to be a catalyst in the lives of others. While I accept this as part of the purpose behind being a Spiritualist Medium there are times when it is a very stressful to be handed this job. It has in the past hurt me deeply to see friendships end and to realize that I am really alone in the way I see my work but I have come to fully trust Spirit does things for reasons and that in the end it works out as it should.

While I fully expect Spirit to hand me the role of catalyst in the lives of the people around me, I do not pretend to know how this will play out. I don’t think I am supposed to have that insight and I am suspicious when people around me start trying to tell me just HOW I am meant to be the catalyst in another’s life because this usually proves to be little more than some folks using me, my energy, my talents and the things I am connected to as a way to fulfill their personal agendas. Most of the time they are unconscious that this is what they are doing and it comes to a shock to them when situations do not work out as they plan them to.

I am not shocked that their plans are kyboshed however, because it seems to me that SPIRIT decides in what way someone is to be a catalyst and Spirit does not usually explain exactly how the change is going to come. Usually even I do not know who I am a catalyst for until the event has come about and the changes are happening. All I know is that Spirit presents situations where I (as the catalyst) am forced to act and react in a way that is best for me and that is exactly what I have learned to do.

Self-preservation being an instinctual tool, I can sense when I must speak my truth in a blunt way and for some this is the catalyst in their lives that they least expect. Sadly but not surprisingly, I find that these folks with agendas are so focused on changing others to fit their notions of how life should unfold that they do not realize that Spirit is actually using me to be a catalyst in their lives rather than the lives of the people they hope and expect to change.

I used to think I was just imagining it but the more I go through experiences with people the more I am convinced that I am a life catalyst but that as a catalyst I am never quite what the people who’s lives I change expect me to be. While this used to bother me I now think it is how Spirit uses each of us to help those around us grow.

With that in mind I know I am blunt and say the things that some folks are not ready to hear but I am definite in saying what I am compelled say and adamant in knowing that I am guided by Spirit regardless. For this reason I stand by what I say and will face whatever consequences might come out of being truthful with those who ask for my advice and psychic impressions.

For those who might not really be able to handle the blunt truth then do not challenge me to be a life catalyst for others unless you are willing to risk change as well because you will find I am never what you expect and that the changes you plan for others might be brought to your life instead because that is how Spirit works.

Balance of Body, Mind and Spirit: a lifetime to Achieve or Not?! Is there such a thing as too much Therapy?

Of late I have been presented with the idea of the spiritual journey as a means of healing. While I fully agree with this notion, my question is: At what point does the spiritual journeyer truly come to a state of healing? Is it supposed to take a lifetime or are we able to find the balance of body, mind and spirit at some mature point in our lives and assist others to do the same from a healthy perspective. Is there some point where the seeker can exit the “client” role where they need to fix themselves and enter the place of being a balanced seeker who can enjoy being in a state of healing and still continue their personal growth on their spiritual journey?

As you can imagine, working as a Spiritualist Medium/ Psychic Advisor I meet a lot of people who are in a constant state of feeling “damaged”. By this I mean they are constantly in therapy and seem to see themselves as addicted, broken or needing fixing in some way. They seem to flit from this modality and that modality, this practitioner or that practitioner but they never seem to find the answers they are hungering for and hunting after. Is there such a thing as therapy overload? And is the real issue that these folks are hiding behind the “I am damaged” thinking so they can avoid experiencing life in all its hues both positive and negative? Are these people in therapy as a way of doing emotional bypass?

Now as the reader, you might think I am talking about clients of mine but this is not the case. Most of my clients do seem to be able to find their balance while most of the people in a chronic state of feeling “damaged” tend to be other New Age parishioners that I have met as a professional in my field. While it might be quite natural that these people who are in self-discovery to want to help others in some way, I really wonder if it is healthy for such folks go into alternative counseling work when they are in the constant state of feeling damaged. At what point does the constant attitude of feeling being feeling “damaged” emotionally, spiritually and psychologically as a practitioner become unhealthy and just plain bad for potential clients?

I am not saying that seeking out various methods of therapy is bad thing and certainly other methods aside from psychic readings such as soul coaching, past life regression therapies or channeling sessions are very helpful to some folks. I am the first to say try something out and see if it resonates with your own spirit. I am also the first to look at the psychic industry and say there are lots of people feeding on the misfortune of wounded souls who are looking to them for help and that is totally wrong. I am simply asking at what point does therapy lose its value and become an addition?

Sadly, I do see a disturbing trend in the New Age/Alternative healing and counseling circles, which is where those in the position of counselor are wounded healers and projecting their own issues onto their clients without even realizing it. While it can be useful to encourage clients to explore different methods of self-discovery through various forms of counseling, at what point does the person learn what the life lessons are and get on with the business of living life?

For example, I go to my doctor when I am ill. I am presented with a diagnosis and options for dealing with the symptoms and the underlying conditions that are causing the symptoms. It is not up to the doctor to fix me although there may be some medical procedure that the doctor does that will help and that is required. My health is my business and it is up to me to take an active role in it. And having said that if I am constantly going to doctors then there is a continued problem that needs to be resolved and once I resolve it I get on with life and hopefully put preventative measures into place so that I do not constantly need a doctor’s care.

I suppose I see counseling spiritual or otherwise in the same light. In my opinion, the goal of counseling is a tool that helps the client to get on with his or her life. It should not become a lifestyle in itself ala counseling for counseling sake. At what point can the client make the choice as to how much is too much when the counselor they are using seems to be thoroughly out of balance? Seems to me that most clients look to their counselor as a guide as to how they might fix their lives. Most people who are in counseling are in the place of being lost souls. They tend to emulate the ideas, attitudes and behaviors of the counselor until they start to feel more centered in themselves.

But what if the counselor is all over the place spiritually, emotionally, energetically and psychologically? How can these practitioners successfully aid clients/seekers in finding a personal balance of body mind and spirit when it seems their own life is way out of whack? How can they provide a forum for clients to find balance when they themselves unable to find or maintain their own balance of body mind and spirit? I am not sure I have the answers but these are serious questions that need to be answered by us as professionals who present ourselves as therapists, channels, psychics, coaches and spiritual directors with the credentials to facilitate others in their spiritual growth and life choices. Sadly, I see to many practitioners who go into the field to fix themselves to the detriment of their future clients.

While no counselor is perfect there are some key red flags for the seeker when choosing a professional no matter what modality they specialize in.

1. Does the counselor know when they are out of their depth and know the process for referral to other necessary alternative and mainstream mental health and medical/counseling services? Or do they just continue the counseling relationship well after it has become dysfunctional?
2. Does the practitioner maintain strict confidentiality unless the client is seen to be a danger to himself/herself and others? Or does the practitioner divulge personal details from sessions without thinking or when it suits their agenda even if it is inappropriate? While the client my not know this for sure they can get a feeling for it based on what kind of information this practitioner shares with them about others in the session.
3. Does the counselor have proper boundaries when it comes to practitioner/client relationship? For example do they maintain professional relationships with their clients or do all their clients somehow become personal friends of the practititioner and the boundaries become muddied? If your counselor is too chatty with you and divulging personal details about other clients to you as a “friend” you can bet your personal stuff is not kept in strict confidence no matter what the practitioner might say to the contrary.
4. Does the practitioner have enough grounded experience in their chosen modality and can they provide real resources to show what their methods/ teachings and spiritual assumptions and judgments are grounded on or is it just imaginative psychobabble and New Age fluff that is considered to be by most people to be substandard pop psych?

How you as the reader answer the above questions for yourself as the client will tell you if your potential counselor is sound or not. It is up to the client to be proactive in the counseling process and in choosing your practitioner. Be observant and if something does not sit right with you then do not ignore it. Likely where there is smoke there is fire.

How can New Age/Alternative counseling practitioners expect modalities such as psychic readings, soul coaching, past life regression therapies or channeling sessions etc. to be part of the mainstream when too many of the current New Age therapies and the practitioners who provide them are seen as “flakey, ungrounded, or unstable” by the vast majority of the public? If nothing else, even if practitioners do not agree with the mainstream view of the work they do; they have to ask themselves the hard question as to why the New Age healing, counseling and therapies and the practitioners involved with them are viewed as suspect y other professionals and the public at this time. What is it we need to do to change this perception? While I do not profess to have the answers I do think these are just some of the questions we must ask ourselves if we make a living in the psychic industry and the New Age field because I am sure the clients will be asking even if we don’t.

Perhaps it is up to the professional organizations and the colleges that are certifying alternative therapy professionals to also ask these hard questions and more thoroughly screen those who apply to their programs and organizations. Whatever the future holds for these New Age counseling modalities that seem to be the latest craze, there will come a point where accountability measures and certain standards must be put in place and practitioners will have to meet and exceed these benchmarks of responsible care in order to be considered reputable by the public whether they like it or not.