“You are a Crap Reader!” “I wonder if she’s reading that right…” How often I hear these phrases when I am not going along with other people’s agendas, doing what they expect or telling them what they want to hear. Working as a Spiritualist Medium there is of course an expectation that I am a spiritual person and that my focus comes from that perspective. I would like to think that most of the time that I am spiritual and serve Spirit well or at least that I try to do that to the best of my ability. Unfortunately the spirit communications that I usually see as gifts can weigh heavily on the heart at times.
Of late, I have been feeling like some people expect that I am just there to suit their needs and for their benefit even when it might not be balanced or healthy for me and that if I were a truly spiritual person I would just accept that role without question. I am sorry to disappoint them but that is just not realistic.
Now with clients it is natural that they will make certain demands of the reader and that when they are in crisis may be even more demanding than normal. I can live with this and it is just one of the costs of being in this work. But where does the reader go when THEY are in crisis? The easy answer to that is they should rely on their angels or spirit guides. While I am able to do that most of the time, recently I have been dealing with a tremendous amount of stress because of the agendas of others and their demands on my time, energy and talents.
I accept that I have allowed the situations to develop and know that I need to change things but how do I do that when certain patterns are entrenched? How do I accommodate my need for changes and yet continue being a good friend to those I care about a good instrument for Spirit to teach through and maintain my integrity as a reader? How do I make the changes I feel I must make in my teaching and spiritual work without offending others who have become comfortable with the status quo and feel that this is exactly the way things should remain? How do I deal with the expectations of others when they themselves have no clue what it is like to be where I am at?
Sadly the burn out rate in the helping professions is very high as caregivers and health and social work practitioners of all kinds get caught up in always being “on” or "in service" to others. It is no different in the psychic industry. Those who truly care about people struggle very hard to balance the needs with others with their own needs. I have found that I allowed things to happen that I now wish I had not.
For example: while having the title of medium or psychic can be a great conversation piece at parties and social gatherings it can also be a drag…. I mean just because I can do readings does not mean I want to do readings all the time… Like the doctor who goes to social functions and is asked for free medical advice being asked “can you read for me?”, “what do you see around me?”, “what do you get from Spirit on this or that?” gets a little old after a while.
While I can and do deflect this natural curiosity with humour there are just some people who do not realize when they are over stepping the bounds and do not seem to take hints very well and I suppose this is where the reader needs to be blunt and matter of fact about feeling hounded and then disrespected when what is read is not what the person asking wants to hear.
Unfortunately being brutally honest with needy and sometimes disrespectful people who take advantage is not so easy to do because situations are usually complex and are complicated by these people needlessly involving others because they are so intent on deluding themselves. Usually these folks who stress the reader out are very good friends with good hearts who the reader is very close to who are for lack of a better word “reading junkies”. With clients when this happens the reader can refuse to read and eliminate the problem but what can you do when it is a good friend who is pushing the boundaries of comfort and not aware (one would hope) that they are doing it?
To deal with this I am the fan of the direct approach but people do not tend to take it well when the reader refuses to read for them especially if they are stressed or obsessed about one issue or another in their lives. People also seem to think that their problems or situations should be an exception and for that reason you should read for them because it is “spiritual to give” and you should read because you are their "friend". This might be true but at what point do you tell a junkie that they are a junkie? And how do you handle it when that junkie also happens to be a valued friend? Where do you find the balance and the courage? And what if they are telling half truths to others around you because they want what they want no matter what?
Most of the time I feel the blunt approach is best but there is always the one friend who you know is hoping for a reading and hinting around it and so the reader is in the nasty position were it might be tempting just to give in and so it goes. This same friend may also be someone (who because you care about them) you really don't want to expose for their "he said, she said" talking behind the backs of others behaviour because you do not want to hurt that friend or others involved. But in my opinion half truths and behind the scenes "he said, she said" stuff has to be stopped especially when the half truths are impacting the reputation and health of the reader being put in the middle of all of it.
Reading for friends who are also junkies is not so difficult if these junkies like what you have to say. BUT what about when you are forced to tell them what you see and it is not what they WANT to hear? For example, the good friend is in a bad relationship and wants to know if it is going to work out, should the reader tell the friend if I see problems or not? What about the friend who is infatuated with someone and it is not being reciprocated at the same level as their intentions? What should the reader say? Should one risk a friendship to state what they see as truth? In a perfect world, I would say yes that you as the reader owe it to your friend to be honest and when Spirit gives a message you should give it as gracefully as you can. But we are not in a perfect world, as the reader you take the risk of offending the friend and hurting feelings. So now what? Tell them what they NEED to hear or what the WANT to hear. My integrity forces me to fall into the first option. It is about what they NEED to hear.
Most of the time I can handle their disappointment and the friendship is not damaged in anyway. But when the friend then begins to question your motive and integrity and clarity because you are being truthful and blunt and they just don’t want to hear it then there is a problem. I mean how can a reader be valued as accurate in reading the other areas of the friend’s life and then be treated as unreliable just because what is being said is not what that person wants to hear? My thought is a reader is either accurate or not. The reading junkie cannot have it both ways.
I am not sure how many other readers have gone through this but I know that I am probably not alone. If I knew then what I know now I would do things much differently but even when more experienced readers tried to explain how and why we need to set boundaries I only got part of it.
I fully understood why a good reader never reads for their partner and I am blessed to be in a solid relationship where I am NEVER asked to read for my boyfriend. But when it came to friends I was soft and gave in far too often. Funny how I was seen as accurate until it was something these "friends" did not want to hear and suddenly my reading ability and intentions were then in question. I can handle that and perhaps this is the catalyst to make some healthy changes. Since some friends were put out by what I had to say maybe they will ask for readings less often from other readers in the future? Perhaps this is the start of them standing on their own and trusting their connection to Spirit and the Universe rather than constantly seeking readings? And what is the reader's responsibility in enabling a psychic reading addict to feed the habit? I know in one case I was weak and let it go on WAY WAY too long and now I am being made out to be the the one who is bad or who has a problem when all I did was choose to be honest with all involved and extradite myself from a VERY messy situation .
Being told by the reading junkie to “stop messing with my life" was interesting because until this point this person was so wrapped up in readings they had stopped thinking for themselves. Where is their own personal responsibility in living their lives and so who was it that messing up their life? Although it was not easy to be brutally honest, when there got to be too much “he said, she said” nonsense and a whole circle of friends became involved, it had to be dealt with and I still think laying out all the facts for folks who only had part of the story is the only way to go… For the junkie who goes from reader to reader time will tell which perception is right and all I can say is I stand by what I said. I continue to say to anyone who puts others in such a situation of being in the middle: where is the junkie's personal responsibility in all this? Energy follows intention and if the intention is dishonest and wrong nothing good can come of it and that applies to both the reader who is afraid to speak their truth and the junkie who is using readings to avoid experiencing life in a real way.
Follow the link to hear more about the problems of the psychic reading junkie phenomenon and why I work hard NOT to be part of it by working as a Spiritualist Medium... Because of my training as a medium I also chose to stand up to those who have abdicated their own personal responsibility in their lives even if they are valued friends.
Psychic Junkie: A Memoir
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